Forever Love, Please?

There is something that happens when someone you love leaves. It doesn't have to be permenant but maybe just simply going to work while you have to stay home or to the grocery store. It is a sense of loss and loneliness. It doesn't feel good.

Our cat has curled up on the bed next to me as is asleep for the day or until I wake her up to play or bother her with petting. I miss Caryn. She has a headache today and I wish that she were here so that I might take care of her. Tomorrow I have the day off and we will spend it together. I can't wait. I know she can't either.

We got back from our honeymoon about a week ago and since it's been pretty crazy. She worked a lot and so did I. It's hard going from being with someone 24/7 to seeing them hardly at all. I want to succeed at something. I want to do something with my life. I heard someone famous say that same thing and the thing that made the difference was that someone told her that she was doing something with her life.

She didn't just want to be an actress, she was an actress. Not long after that she hit it big. It was a change in perspective. So maybe I'm doing something with my life; maybe I am succeeding. I heard a song yesterday from one of my favorite bands. The first line of the chorus went: I am indestructable with a determination that is incoruptable. It's a fight, that's for sure. I have a lot of fight in me because that's what I've done most of my life.

Today though I don't want to fight. I want comfort in the knowledge that I'm on the right track. That knowledge comes from proof. What proof do I need? I guess that's what I'm looking for today: proof of life. Caryn and I have this thing where we say "Forever love, please?". It's our way of letting each other know that we're in it for the long haul. It's also our way of saying "Tell me that you love me".

I guess it boils down to taking stock in what you have around you. I really do have quite a lot but it's not the "things" so much as realizing that all I have has indeed been a gift and for that I am thankful.