Forever Love, Please?

There is something that happens when someone you love leaves. It doesn't have to be permenant but maybe just simply going to work while you have to stay home or to the grocery store. It is a sense of loss and loneliness. It doesn't feel good.

Our cat has curled up on the bed next to me as is asleep for the day or until I wake her up to play or bother her with petting. I miss Caryn. She has a headache today and I wish that she were here so that I might take care of her. Tomorrow I have the day off and we will spend it together. I can't wait. I know she can't either.

We got back from our honeymoon about a week ago and since it's been pretty crazy. She worked a lot and so did I. It's hard going from being with someone 24/7 to seeing them hardly at all. I want to succeed at something. I want to do something with my life. I heard someone famous say that same thing and the thing that made the difference was that someone told her that she was doing something with her life.

She didn't just want to be an actress, she was an actress. Not long after that she hit it big. It was a change in perspective. So maybe I'm doing something with my life; maybe I am succeeding. I heard a song yesterday from one of my favorite bands. The first line of the chorus went: I am indestructable with a determination that is incoruptable. It's a fight, that's for sure. I have a lot of fight in me because that's what I've done most of my life.

Today though I don't want to fight. I want comfort in the knowledge that I'm on the right track. That knowledge comes from proof. What proof do I need? I guess that's what I'm looking for today: proof of life. Caryn and I have this thing where we say "Forever love, please?". It's our way of letting each other know that we're in it for the long haul. It's also our way of saying "Tell me that you love me".

I guess it boils down to taking stock in what you have around you. I really do have quite a lot but it's not the "things" so much as realizing that all I have has indeed been a gift and for that I am thankful.

A Walk to Remember...

I greeted today relaxed and pleasantly enjoyable. I opened my eyes to find my wife laying next to me and starting to squirm at the days first ray fo light beeming in through the window. I miss her right now...We got up and got going and fought over something stupid today. I was telling her that I talked to my best friend last night, from Indiana, and mentioned a few of the things we talked about.

She said she hoped that I told him that she was a good wife too and I was like, what? She knows I love her and that I think she is wonderful. She knows that my buddy and his wife think she's great too. Being married is sure different than being single. I like it better but you just never know when what appears to be someone else's insecurity just may be your own.

One of us was about to leave and we stopped short and made amends. An hour or so later we went for a walk out in the woods. The day was so nice: blue sky, lots of sun, and the beloved woods. The out of doors has brought me so much peace in the past and today it was time to reclaim some of that. So we set out innocently enough and came to a small river. It was big enough that we had to stop and figure out how we were going to get across.

Well, I made it dry enough. She saw me standing there and asked me what my problem was and leaped where I had already looked. In she went. I laughed so hard. We finally got across and went for the treck of our lives. Well, what what small lives we live in the suburbs with Detroit being three miles east of us. We got pretty lost but we found our way out after about an hour or so of being in there altogether.

She was mad that all the stuff I did up until then could have been done without her. She wanted some attention. I needed to get lost before I could have the space enough to give it to her. I don't think either one of us understood that until we were out there. We stopped and just hugged in the middle of the woods and just held each other. We made our way back and we were starving so I made us a mess of eggs and toast. I need her. I miss her.

Greetings Funny Sweetest Day!

Caryn is off to work on sweetest day and I am left to my own devices for the next few hours. It's a beautiful day outside and I need to get out and be in the woods for a while. I feel that pull again, a calling, a summoning rather toward something sacred.

I am at a loss at the present. My first day back from my honeymoon and it takes my site supers aging father to have an emergency to keep me from being written up. My second day back and I get screamed at literally over spilled coffee.

Then when I get home my cat bites me for no reason so I popped it a good one and now we're not doing so great. On the other hand, it is sweetest day and I miss my angel. I hate being in trouble for no reason and people and or animals hating me for their own stupidity.

I know, I can't control people or my cat, but I can draw lines and not allow them to cross. I wish I had a dog but that's a different story. Here's a sweetest day poem I wrote last night for Caryn. I love her so much.