Contented Confusion

Found out today there was nothing really wrong. Went for a walk with my fiance and we talked about how get married in a way that was meaningful to us without all the glitz of expectation that we felt was a part of society. I love her and I want to be with her so badly; to wake up next to the one that I will spend the rest of my life with and fall asleep in her arms...I miss her.

I'll see her tonight when I get out of work for a bit. Then we'll get up and go to church tomorrow morning and spend the afternoon together before I go yet again to work and then home. The voices of those around me fill my mind with questions of what my plans are for the future, if I intend on going back to school, how I will do this or that, different things that people say that don't really point in any one direction but just leave things open ended.

Which way do I go? How do I get there? Too bad those around me don't really have the answer that I'm looking for. It is strange to me that those questions linger and yet I look about me and realize that I am content with where I am.

I want to work and get married and eventually start a family. That's all I really want. I don't want anything glamorous. Everyone says you can't do it without an education but the truth is that the higher the salary the bigger the bills. One could make 80,000 a year and have a big house and fancy cars and all the best of everything but still have a hard time making ends meet and want more and more.

One could also make 20,000 a year and have enough to get by on but little more than that and still be ok. Do you know what I really want? I want the woods. I want the earth, the wind, the rain and the lightning. I want to touch nature and be a part of it. Some people spend their whole lives going after the bigger paycheck and end up with a broken home, a forclosure on their house, and have to give their cars back and for what?

All because Ford, GM, or Chrystler downsized and they loose everything. What are they left with? Exactly what I have and I didn't pay for it: nature. They sky does not change, nor the rivers or birds. The only difference is that what I earn comes in the form of satisfaction and peace and that what I do not have I do not need and that what I do need is given me. I can trust that. I can know that for certain.

There is a quietness that has been over me for the better part of the day and even this past week. I have moved to a better place where I am centered and it shows. I am thankful for this. I am thankful that this day, all is as it should be and what will be, will be.